The Story of Hipster Jesus, Colostomy and Positive Psychology

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its.
-Matthew 6:34

The verse above matched with a ‘Gestalt principle of now’ in which the only real thing is what happen right here, right now. Tomorrow as future, is something which not exist yet, so you don't have to worry about it. Don’t you think He’s awesome? Hipster Jesus talks about Gestalt before it was cool!

But I’m not gonna talk about Gestalt right now. I’m going to share something that could be explained by the verse.

Last year on June, my dad had a big operation around his abdomen to fix his intestine. Because of the operation, he had a hole in his stomach as rectal replacement called colostomy. This week he had to be operated once more to normalize his excretion system so he could poop normally.

This is what happened to your intestine and excretion system when you get a colostomy

I remember how wrecked I was during my dad’s hospitalization day. I couldn’t think straight, hardly focused on everything I was doing because my thoughts keep coming back to my sick dad. He was in a great pain and need a lot of adjustment after the operation. I mean, there’s a hole in his stomach. That condition must be so inconvenient.

I was stuck in a gloomy mood for the rest of hospitalization weeks. I faked my mood and wore the-so-called persona so I looked happy at the surface just because I don’t want others noticed how ruined I was.

And when his time to be hospitalized came, my mind involuntarily rewinded the black days of my dad’s pain and suffering and how it affected my life. It only takes a short time for me to be gloom again even before the operation and the post-operation experience started. I couldn’t help myself imagine being gloomy again for the rest of this week and maybe the following weeks ahead.  I was filled with thoughts that the operation would ruin my activity all over again while I’m in my busiest point; loads of assignment, choir rehearsal for a concert in September, quizzes and presentation. I think, I’m gonna blow.

But then a best friend of mine, Grace, told me that I have to stay positive. Grace and I happened to be positive psychology believer. But the thoughts of the tiresome post-operation experience in the past blocked my positive view. 

She reminds me about the self-fulfilling prophecy; that everything happened in our mind could be true if we keep thinking about it over and over again. The operation hasn’t even started yet but I already have a list of bad experience ahead. Well, I don’t want that suffering weeks repeated all over again, obviously. 

So I guess I will try to let it flow, not thinking too much about tomorrow that’s not exist yet… and keep praying to gain the power so I could face the coming weeks, taking care of my dad joyfully and keep focus on my activities.

Now = experience = awareness = reality. The past is no more and the future not yet.
-Perls on Gestalt Therapy Now

Please pray for my father’s operation. And pray for me too so I could be stronger than before.

Have a nice day!

Story of a Diamond, Covered in Mud

So, one day when I was a mere teenager I asked my father (whom I consider as my personal counselor); “Why, do you think, I don’t have a boyfriend?”

That time, my friends had started dating someone; having their own relationship, while I stayed single. On the other hand, many of my close friends were boys. I haven’t really been a tomboy-type and I have always been a-guy-friendly-type. That’s why I’m asking my singleness to my father. With many boys around, I being single was something to be asked about.

He gave me some courageous reason like because I’m over-rated, because I’m too smart for them they’d feel inferior against me or because my singlehood meant for a greater good (tho I don’t know what that means).  I thanked him for all the reason because it really flattered me.

The real thing is I have issue with my weight, I still am. But he didn’t bring up physical reason at all. “Well, do you think I’m not pretty enough for the boys? Do I really have to be skinny so that I might hook up with someone?”

His answer change the way I see myself forever.

“Well, do you want to change yourself just so people like you even you’re not comfortable with it?”

“No! I like the way I am now!”

“So be it, because what really matter is the thing that lies within. You are a diamond. Even you are covered with mud or dirt, buried in the sand or below the swamp, you’re still a diamond. Only ones who see the diamond in you really meant for you.”

I know that someday someone would really see the mud-covered diamond. I really thanked my dad for this life-changing chat session.

I have been single since I was born but I’m never ashamed of it because I now I have diamond in me. Story of my life.

Story of Last Word You Ever Said (to Anyone)

“You’re all right,” Mrs. Weasley muttered distractedly, releasing
Mr. Weasley and staring around at  them all with red eyes, “you’re
alive. . . . Oh boys . . .”
And to everybody’s surprise, she seized Fred and George and
pulled them both into such a tight hug that their heads banged
together.
“Ouch! Mum — you’re strangling us —”
“I shouted at you before you left!” Mrs. Weasley said, starting to
sob. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about! What if You-Know-Who had
got you, and the last thing I ever said to you was that you didn’t get
enough O.W.L.s? Oh Fred . . . George . . .” 
Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire
Chapter Ten, Mayhem at the Ministry

I'm agree with Mrs. Weasley. What if your last words you said to anyone, especially the loved ones, was something rude. What if  you were fighting with your loved ones the last time you met them and you never had a chance to apologize? Maybe you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

I've just re-read my Harry Potter books and found that quote interesting. The thing is we never know what would happen next. After reading that chapter, I develop a new habit: to apologize immediately. I think it's a good habit, cause I feel more relieve after my faults were forgiven. Beside, the relationship between me and the one I made mistake too were refurbished too.

As well as forgive. If by apologizing we can get a sense of relief, certainly more forgiving would give tranquility. 

To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happines.

Robert Muller quotes

Ah. It's a great isn't it, to forgive and to be forgiven? That's it, the story of my life :)

Story of a Buck Passer

buck n

1. (Group Games / Card Games) Poker a marker in the jackpot to remind the winner of some obligation when his turn comes to deal

pass the buck Informal to shift blame or responsibility onto another

the buck stops here Informal the ultimate responsibility lies here

via  the free dictionary

Let me blog a while before get back to awaiting stacks of my to-do-list. I still got sketches to be colored in photoshop, drawing illustration for my research, some house keeping things, etc... whoaa... Okay let's just start.

Lately I've been make mistake. Oh well, I make mistake all my life! (we all are, aren't we?). 

I happened to be a Psalm Singer in my church. I'm doing some solo lines in front of the congregation during the holy Mass. Sometimes I sing my lines perfectly and feel proud of myself. But mostly I sing  many many off tunes. 

 I'm the kind of person who likes to evaluate; analyzing things why it had gone wrong just so I won't do the same mistake. Well, I might pass the buck to the situation. I can say that 

"It was morning so I sang with my gravelly morning voice I can't reach the high notes."

"The pianist played in the wrong key, it was either too high or too low I couldn't follow."

"There are people who distract my attention from the music book so I forget which part I was singing."

"It was too hot in the podium I couldn't concentrate to sing."

"I was only a replacement, that wasn't my schedule to serve the Mass. I have a little time to get my self ready or practicing."

and so on...

and so on...

There's always something else or someone else to be blamed (or according to the idioms I cited; I can always pass the buck.) But when I dig deeper, the one I found very rightful to be blame is ME. Surprising isn't it? Well, not really actualy.

I could sleep early so I can wake up before time and get much warm ups for my morning voice.

I could confirm the key to the pianist so that he (or she) plays the note I'm comfort to sing.

I could try to focus in my music book, not to the audience or the heat that struck me.

I could reject the offer to replace anyone else schedule if I think I couldn't be ready to sing in a short preparation time.

See, it's all on me.

Maybe, it's all (the mistakes you blamed on anything else) yours too.

Late for work or school and blaming the traffic?

Failed for an exam and blaming the way your lecture teaches you?

Blaming life for being so unfair?

Just seat back, relax and rewind the mistakes, think about it clearly. Maybe it was you, the one to blame.

nb. I'm not saying that the one who responsible for everything that gone wrong in this world is you (or me). Some mistakes are inevitable. All I'm trying to say is stop the buck here, be responsible for all that you've done.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect either. I still blame others for mistakes I'd done. I'm just trying to be more reflective here.

I'm learning to stop the buck, that's the story of my life.