Story of a Buck Passer

buck n

1. (Group Games / Card Games) Poker a marker in the jackpot to remind the winner of some obligation when his turn comes to deal

pass the buck Informal to shift blame or responsibility onto another

the buck stops here Informal the ultimate responsibility lies here

via  the free dictionary

Let me blog a while before get back to awaiting stacks of my to-do-list. I still got sketches to be colored in photoshop, drawing illustration for my research, some house keeping things, etc... whoaa... Okay let's just start.

Lately I've been make mistake. Oh well, I make mistake all my life! (we all are, aren't we?). 

I happened to be a Psalm Singer in my church. I'm doing some solo lines in front of the congregation during the holy Mass. Sometimes I sing my lines perfectly and feel proud of myself. But mostly I sing  many many off tunes. 

 I'm the kind of person who likes to evaluate; analyzing things why it had gone wrong just so I won't do the same mistake. Well, I might pass the buck to the situation. I can say that 

"It was morning so I sang with my gravelly morning voice I can't reach the high notes."

"The pianist played in the wrong key, it was either too high or too low I couldn't follow."

"There are people who distract my attention from the music book so I forget which part I was singing."

"It was too hot in the podium I couldn't concentrate to sing."

"I was only a replacement, that wasn't my schedule to serve the Mass. I have a little time to get my self ready or practicing."

and so on...

and so on...

There's always something else or someone else to be blamed (or according to the idioms I cited; I can always pass the buck.) But when I dig deeper, the one I found very rightful to be blame is ME. Surprising isn't it? Well, not really actualy.

I could sleep early so I can wake up before time and get much warm ups for my morning voice.

I could confirm the key to the pianist so that he (or she) plays the note I'm comfort to sing.

I could try to focus in my music book, not to the audience or the heat that struck me.

I could reject the offer to replace anyone else schedule if I think I couldn't be ready to sing in a short preparation time.

See, it's all on me.

Maybe, it's all (the mistakes you blamed on anything else) yours too.

Late for work or school and blaming the traffic?

Failed for an exam and blaming the way your lecture teaches you?

Blaming life for being so unfair?

Just seat back, relax and rewind the mistakes, think about it clearly. Maybe it was you, the one to blame.

nb. I'm not saying that the one who responsible for everything that gone wrong in this world is you (or me). Some mistakes are inevitable. All I'm trying to say is stop the buck here, be responsible for all that you've done.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect either. I still blame others for mistakes I'd done. I'm just trying to be more reflective here.

I'm learning to stop the buck, that's the story of my life.